Thoughts 5 January 2024

 I keep trying to sit quiet for contemplation and thoughts but it does not happen. I am worried about going deep into meditation, dhyan, prayers or japa. My mind starts talking to itself in an extremely speedy manner at many levels and dimensions. Mostly the mind explores true and hypothetical levels of possibilities and gradually the separation disappears. I begin to believe the untrue, hypothetical and probable options as actually true. 

Over the past 15 years, and especially over the past 3 years and more, the mind seems to dance rapidly. I have sometimes got drowned in the thought and also have believed the possibilities as actual occurrences. Now I look forward to silent contemplation, not actually wanting to do anything. Maybe I could switch off during meetings but that thought makes me guilty. 

I could walk away silently, without actual proximal access to cell phones and look for a place to sit and watch the world go by. Maybe have some support system such as a diary or a notebook, to write notes, keep a japamala and see what happens if I keep repeating a longish mantra. There are so many matters to think about, to contemplate, to worry about and to decide how not to worry about. 

Will such a break be helpful? Can I do it in a long distance train journey or on a transit stop at an airport in between two flights? Maybe good to get lost silently while being inside a crowd and surrounded by noise.

Bharat Bhushan

5 January 2024